1. My parents taught me not to believe everything I see on TV when I was a kid. Now I have to teach them not to believe everything they see on Facebook.
2. Why do ghosts have doors if they can walk through walls?
3. Why are they called "fingers" if we don't use them to "fing"?
4. Things are on fire, not things on fire.
5. If you like someone's post by accident while looking at their profile, it's like stepping on a stick while sneaking through the forest.
6. "Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human equivalent of "Did you turn it off and on again?"
7. People will only say, "Great job by North Korea," at the Olympics.
8. If my calculator had a history, it would be worse than what I've done on the Internet.
9. Companies that sell cigarettes kill their best customers, and companies that sell condoms kill their potential customers.
10. Depression is like being in a bad relationship with your brain that hurts you emotionally.